7 Lessons of Love

Love lessons

1. True love is (American media) propaganda

Anything can happen but it’s better not to blindly believe what American tv-shows tell us. In many cultures romantic love is seen extremely different than in the Western societies today.

2. When Marriage Was Invented, It Was Meant to Last 10 – 20 Years

…Which meant a lifetime because people died under the age of 40. Today, we live 80-100 years and we still expect the marriage to last for a lifetime, which can mean 40-60 years now. If you think you can both do that and want to do it, go for it. Just acknowledge that there should be no rush.

Besides, if you are under 25 years old, the chances are that your brain is still growing. The last part to grow is called the frontal lobe. It’s the part that handles long term planning among some other things (like risk taking). This means that you may have all intellectual and logical capacity but you don’t necessarily have the full capacity of estimating such a long time period as 60 years.

3. Life Is a Journey Where The Only Destination Is Death

You might not be together forever but how much that actually matters?

Life is not about the destination but about the journey. What matters the most, is not who you are with when you die but who you are with when you live.

Appreciate every relationship along the way. They are not time wasted but rather time well spend if they have made you happy once. Live more and worry less. At least, until you are getting babies with someone.

4. You Have to Learn to Love Yourself Before You Can Love And Be Loved by Anyone Else

A healthy relationship is easier to build upon healthy self esteem so put some effort on building your own identity, developing yourself and learning to love yourself. That should be your priority. It can be scary and difficult to be alone but it’s an extremely good thing to learn.

Being romantically loved by someone shouldn’t be something you need but something you want. It shouldn’t be the only thing holding yourself in pieces. It should be something great and additional in your life but not your whole life.

5. Don’t Expect Him to Love You Forever Without You Putting Effort to It

That would be only disrespectful. You want her/him to put effort, so you need to do that yourself too.

Enjoy it but don’t get too comfortable. You can’t control him but you can control yourself. If you do all you can, there should be nothing to regret. You can never do more than try your best.

It’s way too common that when the relationship gets stabile, both or the other one starts lacking self care and development. You have to put effort to a) keep your love with him/her blossoming and b) keep your love to yourself blossoming because, as we stated, in order to love someone else, you need to love yourself.

6. Jealousity Is Often Insecurity

If you try to lock him/her inside and be angry and upset about every eye contact he makes with someone else, you probably only make him feel bad and you harm the relationship. If you are in a relationship with him, you are having a clear advantage over anyone outsider. If he loved them more than you, wouldn’t he be with them?

What should matter to you, is what he feels for you and not what he feels for someone else. What he feels for someone else is not necessarily away from you. If he/she falls for someone else, there is probably nothing you could have done about it. Would you truly want to force him to be with you if he would be happier with someone else?

7. Put Effort on Friendships

The western society is so centered around couples that we often forget other relationships. Friendships can be even more valuable. Not everyone can or should be in a relationship but still, for example, our norm of living is living together only with our significant other or family. There are walls around us to separate us from other people.

This was not always the case. Human being used to live in tribes. What separated us from the neighbours, was just a piece of leather or the cave wall. Modern human is like an animal in a zoo separated from other people. We expect one person to fulfill all our social (and other) needs and barely even meet other people. Most of us who haven’t found our significant other, is more or less suffering for loneliness. No wonder everyone is so desperate to find ” the real love”!

 

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